It’s okay not to be okay this festive season

As the summer holidays approach, there is an unspoken expectation that everyone should be brimming with joy. The “Dezemba” energy is palpable, and calendars overflow with social invites. But what happens if, instead of excitement, you feel a heavy sense of dread? If the bright sunshine feels jarring against a dark internal landscape, you are not alone. This feeling is so common it’s known as the holiday blues.

The weight of a long year

After a year of challenges, it’s normal to feel like you have nothing left in the tank. By the time the holidays arrive, many of us are running on empty.

Counselling Psychologist Ashleigh Kater explains that our capacity for social engagement is not unlimited. “If you are an introvert or simply someone who recharges through solitude, the demand to be ‘fun’ and ‘social’ can be draining rather than restorative,” she says. Introverts and those experiencing burnout may find the constant social demands of this season particularly draining.

Remember, you don’t have to attend every gathering. Ashleigh advises that we pause to consider our own needs.

“Setting boundaries and protecting your energy is perfectly acceptable. Everyone has different needs over the festive season, so it’s important to take a moment to think about what’s right for you.”

Financial strain and economic reality

The rising cost of living has left many South African households struggling, making financial insecurity harder to ignore. When you are worried about keeping the lights on in January, the commercial pressure to spend money on gifts and elaborate meals can cause severe anxiety.

Ashleigh suggests focusing on what matters most beyond the material.

“Setting a realistic budget and communicating honestly with loved ones about your financial limits isn’t a failing,” she notes. “It’s responsible self-care.”

Grief and loneliness

For those grieving, traditions often serve as painful reminders of empty chairs at the table. Ashleigh urges those dealing with loss to be gentle with themselves.

“You don’t have to pretend to be joyful. It’s okay to opt out of celebrations, to cry when you need to, and to honour your loss in whatever way feels right.”

Loneliness is also amplified during the festive season. Not everyone has family or friends to spend time with during this period. If you do not have family nearby or if you have strained relationships, the emphasis on “togetherness” can deepen feelings of isolation.

“Consider reaching out to community organisations, volunteering, or joining a support group. Connecting with others who share a common purpose can ease the sense of isolation. It’s also important to know when to seek professional help. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Working through the holidays

Emergency workers, healthcare professionals, retail staff, hospitality workers, and many others often face their most demanding days while the rest of the country relaxes. This sacrifice is real, and it’s okay to feel frustrated or sad about it. Your contribution is valuable, even if it comes at a personal cost.

“It’s important to reflect on the work that you do and link it to a broader purpose or passion that you hold dear. Try to carve out small moments of rest where you can, and don’t let anyone diminish the legitimacy of your feelings,” Ashleigh advises.

The psychology of “toxic positivity”

Psychologists warn against “toxic positivity” during this time – the belief that we must maintain a positive mindset no matter how difficult our situation is. When your internal sadness clashes with the external expectation of “merry and bright”, it creates psychological distress.

This gap between how you feel and how you think you should feel often leads to guilt. Stress occurs when our perceived demands exceed our coping resources. If you’re already depleted, adding the pressure of manufactured joy only widens that gap.

The most important thing to understand is this: you don’t have to be okay just because the calendar says it’s a time for celebration. Instead, practice acceptance. Ashleigh’s advice is that you acknowledge how you're feeling without judgement.

“Your emotions are your own, shaped by your experiences, circumstances, and mental health. Forcing yourself to feel festive when you don’t only adds another burden. There is nothing wrong with you. Being human means experiencing complex emotions.”

You are not alone

The glossy veneer of the festive season hides the reality that many struggle with this time of year. It’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to ask for help.

If you find that your low mood is persistent and affecting your daily life, please talk to a trusted friend, family member, or professional, or reach out for support:

• The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) provides free counselling, comprehensive mental health resources, and helplines.
• LifeLine South Africa offers 24-hour counselling services. Visit lifelinesa.co.za